{"id":71,"date":"2013-07-15T04:14:26","date_gmt":"2013-07-15T04:14:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mzsungur.wordpress.com\/?p=71"},"modified":"2013-07-15T04:14:26","modified_gmt":"2013-07-15T04:14:26","slug":"bosanma-haberturk-gazetesi","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/mehmetsungur.com.tr\/en\/bosanma-haberturk-gazetesi\/","title":{"rendered":"Divorce \u2013 Habert\u00fcrk Newspaper"},"content":{"rendered":"
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1) Many couples, including many celebrity couples, are choosing to separate. What do you think?\u00a0divorces<\/b>\u00a0Why did it become so intense?<\/p>\n

One of the most important reasons for separations between spouses is the increasing estrangement between partners, meaning that the time spent together gradually becomes a less enjoyable process. In other words, spouses... In their relationship, the balance between costs and rewards shifts, with costs increasing and rewards decreasing. In short, the pre-marital relationship, being more open to positive aspects, creates the belief in partners that this problem-free lifestyle will continue in marriage. Partners assume that in the marriage process, they will continue to live focused on each other, constantly receiving rewards from each other, and that their relationship will be primarily based on pleasure and satisfaction, just as before marriage. Simply put, the balance between rewards and costs shows an excess in favor of rewards (words of love, time spent together, emotional intimacy, and sexuality) during the period of falling in love. In the marriage process, costs (household chores, the difficulties of a shared life, economic conditions, childcare, the bringing of problems from the outside world into the home, etc.) begin to increase, while rewards decrease. This is because not only rewards but also the responsibilities of a real relationship come into play. Interestingly, both partners blame each other for the decrease in rewards. When the cost-reward balance shifts in favor of costs, it becomes clear that the expectations based on satisfaction and pleasure created by the romantic dream are not realistic.\u00a0In this context, love is a visual impairment, and marriage is the involuntary treatment of that visual impairment.<\/i><\/b>. Perhaps the healthy continuation of a marriage depends primarily on the partners changing (not completely eliminating) their perception of marriage as merely the continuation of a romantic dream. More importantly,Marriage is the art of two separate individuals with different backgrounds, expectations, needs, reactions, and sensitivities living together harmoniously within a routine relationship.<\/i><\/b>.<\/i>\u00a0Perhaps that's why divorces and unhappy marriages are increasing nowadays. Not everyone can learn to be an artist.<\/p>\n

Within a changing social structure and values, the past...\u2018responsibilities\u2019<\/i>\u00a0The concept has been replaced by today's '\u2018rights\u2019<\/i>The concept of responsibility has been replaced by another concept. In fact, the concept of responsibility is increasingly becoming a comical and meaningless concept today. In other words, if marriage is a right, then divorce is naturally perceived as a right as well. On the other hand, the rapid increase in divorces means that it is gradually being normalized and the negative stigma associated with divorce is being shelved. The phrase, "If it doesn't work out, I'll get a divorce," is becoming commonplace.\u201callowing oneself<\/i>\u201d"The emergence of a thought during the transitional phase towards marriage can make one more courageous in making the decision to marry. Saying this does not mean opposing divorces or laws that facilitate divorces. It simply means not destroying the concept of 'responsibilities' at the expense of glorifying the concept of 'rights'. Because..."In an environment where only rights are discussed, it becomes difficult to understand the causes of social problems.<\/b>\u00a0Instead of developing more fundamental solutions to such problems, society often takes temporary measures. I am against the inadequacy of the approach that says, "If there is more crime in a country, let's build bigger prisons. If there is more alcohol and drug addiction in a society, let's open more addiction treatment centers. If there is more divorce, let's make laws that make divorce easier." There should be a balance between institutions in society. While providing opportunities to facilitate the termination of marriages where divorce seems like the only solution, there should also be an increase in the number of institutions that offer hope for the improvement of relationships instead of their dissolution. In other words, the need for institutions and professionals that provide the knowledge and skills to help couples who want to stay together despite their problems but don't know how to solve them should be taken seriously.<\/p>\n

Human beings, by nature, tend to avoid anxiety and pain, seeking quick relief from tension. The increasing prevalence and normalization of divorces can lead to ill-considered decisions made in an attempt to quickly escape painful experiences. This means that instead of developing problem-solving skills together, spouses may choose the easy way out: divorce.However, every problem can also be an opportunity for couples to strengthen their bond with each other.<\/i>.<\/b>\u00a0In troubled marriages, instead of learning to work together as a team to solve problems, spouses learn to avoid them. Even worse, divorced couples often struggle to tolerate problems in their next relationship, hoping for a conflict-free partnership. Interestingly, some divorced individuals later admit they didn't try hard enough to improve their relationship in their previous marriage.<\/p>\n

I want to make it clear that I am completely excluding marriages where all forms of violence and abuse exist, and where divorce seems to be the only solution. Violence is a learned behavior, and the opposite can also be learned. However, whether spouses should remain together during the process of learning to give up violence is a matter that requires careful consideration.<\/p>\n

Of course, another important reason for the divergence is that in a world where consumerism is gaining weight and being encouraged, love and relationships, like everything else, are being consumed at an increasingly rapid pace. Perhaps people are less and less afraid of consuming their love and relationships. Maybe people\u00a0They love the act of being in love more than they love the person they're in love with.\u00a0<\/b>They move from old loves and relationships to new loves, and from new loves to even newer loves. In this context, love and relationships in the consumer world only mean fulfilling a need and providing greater satisfaction, until they reach the maturity to see beyond individual satisfaction.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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2) What keeps people together, and at what point do the bells of separation begin to ring?<\/p>\n

Sometimes people marry simply because of mutual attraction and intimacy. Years pass, and that attraction inevitably diminishes. The only thing that can keep this couple together is their decision to spend the rest of their lives together.\u00a0The decision to spend life together is actually based on the amount of effort invested in the relationship.\u00a0<\/b>The more effort is put into a relationship, the harder it becomes to break up. If the effort is one-sided, it can lead to the continuation of unhealthy relationships, while when it is two-sided, the effort can achieve its purpose. Attachment is one of the most important needs of the human species. Attachment through love (not addiction) is, from an evolutionary perspective, the ability of partners to focus on each other with trust, affection, and tenderness for a period that allows for the formation of new generations and their safe growth and development. The transformation of love, or any relationship, into affection takes time above all else. Because love is not just a momentary physical or chemical attraction.\u00a0Love, unlike romance, is not something that can be "found." Love is something that is first affirmed, then nurtured, developed, and carefully cared for.<\/b>. It's never just an emotion. Because every emotion (like love, joy, anger) has a lifespan, and when its lifespan is over, the emotions also fade away. Sometimes love means being able to give someone what they need, even at the cost of giving up your own needs. Trust, on the other hand, is love's sibling for a long-term relationship and encompasses concepts such as reliability, predictability, honesty, dedication, and loyalty.<\/p>\n

I think early warning signs that a marriage or relationship is heading towards a critical point, like separation, might include:<\/p>\n

\u2013 Start focusing on what your partner or spouse \u201cdoesn\u2019t give\u201d rather than what they \u201cdo\u201d give.<\/p>\n

\u2013 To start blaming him for the negative turn of events<\/p>\n

\u2013 Maybe you should start thinking that you were never in love with her from the beginning.<\/p>\n

\u2013 You gradually start to become interested in someone of the same gender as your spouse, and you begin to think that they listen to you and understand you very well.<\/p>\n

-The increase in statements such as "A good father or mother, but not a good spouse"<\/p>\n

\u2013 Feeling that you've tried many things but nothing has worked to make the relationship work, and the growing despair.<\/p>\n

3) What are some ways to part ways amicably?<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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In reality, every separation is painful. It's necessary to be able to accept the pain and see that it can be a magnificent source of knowledge. If a good separation means that those separating don't become enemies, this is only possible if the pain doesn't turn into anger. Separation is an inevitable reality, and every separation story is a separate sorrow. While sorrow and grief are emotions related to loss, anger stems from a feeling of being wronged, beyond mere hurt and brokenness. Sometimes, anger is an emotion born from an inability to let go of pride and become ordinary. This anger often leads to...\u201cHow could she not love me, how could she leave me?"\u201d<\/b>\u00a0It is an anger experienced in this way: separation.\u00a0In angry selves, it is experienced within the context of rejection.\u00a0<\/b>And sometimes people experience this separation.\u00a0their devaluation<\/b>\u00a0That's how people perceive it. However, sometimes separation can simply stem from differences. I think so.\u00a0Every relationship means being able to accept the possibility of separation.<\/b>. Just as life means being able to face death. Everything gains meaning in conjunction with its opposite. In short, a good separation requires good communication, empathy, acceptance, and maturity. On the other hand, if these qualities are reciprocal, separation will not be necessary at all.<\/p>\n

4. Where is marriage headed in the world?<\/p>\n

Genel e\u011filimlere bakarsak d\u00fcnya genelinde evlilikler k\u0131smen azal\u0131rken, birlikte ya\u015fama oranlar\u0131 belirgin olarak art\u0131yor. \u0130nsanlar daha ge\u00e7 evleniyorlar, daha az \u00e7ocuk sahibi oluyorlar ve evliliklerde bo\u015fanma neredeyse do\u011fal bir sonu\u00e7 haline gelmi\u015f gibi g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcyor. ABD\u2019de ilk evlilikten sonraki bo\u015fanma oranlar\u0131 %52-55\u2019lere y\u00fckselmi\u015f durumda. Avrupa da bu oran %40 \u2013 50 aras\u0131nda de\u011fi\u015fiyor. Yani iki evlilikten biri bo\u015fanma ile sonu\u00e7lanabiliyor. Daha ilgin\u00e7 olan\u0131 insanlar\u0131n bu istatistiklere g\u00f6re yaln\u0131zca %50 y\u00fcr\u00fcyen bir kuruma hala yat\u0131r\u0131m yap\u0131yor yani evleniyor olmalar\u0131. Oysa bu bir i\u015f ortakl\u0131\u011f\u0131 olsa insanlar\u0131n yaln\u0131zca \u00e7ok az bir b\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fc %50 y\u00fcr\u00fcyen bir kuruma t\u00fcm paralar\u0131n\u0131 yat\u0131r\u0131rlard\u0131. \u00dclkemizde oranlar bu kadar y\u00fcksek olmasa da 2010 y\u0131l\u0131 verilerine bak\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131nda \u00f6nceki y\u0131llara g\u00f6re bo\u015fanma oranlar\u0131, evlilik oranlar\u0131ndan \u00e7ok daha belirgin bir art\u0131\u015f g\u00f6steriyor.<\/p>\n

On the other hand, the roles of institutions in human life are also changing at both the micro and macro levels. While marriages were between two different sexes until 2001, since that date, same-sex marriages have been legalized in some countries. When we look at what this change tells us, it is possible to see that the definition of marriage has changed. At least.\u00a0\u2018'annoyed'\u2019<\/i>\u00a0We can say that the definition of marriage, as it was originally defined, has been gradually relaxed and broadened.<\/p>\n

Given that divorce rates are rising not only in the West but also in more traditional societies, should we abandon this old and aging institution that many people strangely and incomprehensibly idealize? Is marriage the best format for maintaining the acceptance and respect of relationships in the 21st century? While I leave the answers to these questions to those considering entering this institution, I can say that we need to think about and research marriage and its consequences (rewards, costs, and responsibilities) more than ever now. Blindly clinging to an institution without questioning it represents one extreme. The slogan, "Throw away your worn-out socks, abandon this bankrupt, old and aging institution," represents the other extreme. However, you are in between these two extremes, and you need to be able to see the 99 numbers. I believe there is a more important issue than debating whether or not to put a relationship into a socially and legally accepted package under the name of marriage:\u00a0To marry or not to marry?<\/i>\u00a0Instead of asking the question, the focus should be on better understanding and discussing the unspoken truths excluded from the marriage package. The issue of sustaining relationships by reforming them to meet the needs arising from the era in which people live seems likely to be discussed more in the coming years.<\/p>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

1) Many couples, including many celebrities, are increasingly choosing separation. Why do you think divorces have become so frequent? One of the most important reasons for separations between spouses is the gradual estrangement between partners, meaning that the time spent together becomes less and less enjoyable. In other words, the spouses...<\/p>","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-71","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-roportajlar"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pavKUa-19","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/mehmetsungur.com.tr\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/71","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/mehmetsungur.com.tr\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/mehmetsungur.com.tr\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/mehmetsungur.com.tr\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/mehmetsungur.com.tr\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=71"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/mehmetsungur.com.tr\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/71\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/mehmetsungur.com.tr\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=71"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/mehmetsungur.com.tr\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=71"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/mehmetsungur.com.tr\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=71"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}